This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
