You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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