All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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