Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
