Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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