He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
