3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
