I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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