Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
