They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
