walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
