You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
