6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
