Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That accounts for only three of the penises
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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