He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
