Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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