Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
