He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
