eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
