Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So squirting runs in the family.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
