I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
