I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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