apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
