As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
