so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
