You just made me feel so damn special
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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