so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
PANTIES FOUND
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
