Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
