so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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