why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
