So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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