is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
