Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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