homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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