I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
