Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
