U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
