you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
