You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
