Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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