I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
