I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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