I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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