i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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