It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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