how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
