I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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