I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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