and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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