Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
