I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
