My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
