Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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