just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
