You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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