he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
